Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
