ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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