WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
