I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
