i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
