I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
