Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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