TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just found puke in my bra..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
