Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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