dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He? As in you personified your dick?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
