are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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