I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
