i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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