My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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