??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
