I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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