yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
