Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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