you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
