every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
