I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
