shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was like eating out sand paper
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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