He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
