Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
