We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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