After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
