she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
