Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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