I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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