just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
