I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
