Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
