Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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