If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Randomize
