I wish I only lived at night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
