I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
