I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
