Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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