Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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