shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
