I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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