So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
