the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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