take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
