you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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