That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
