i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
