I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
