He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
