dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so let's talk penis.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
